Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?†With no hesitation
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
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