I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
Randomize
