I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
Randomize
