I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
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I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
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But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
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