So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
you have to choose: penises or morals?
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
Randomize
