You're my little dorito
My clean wipe streak was ended today by two enchiladas and a can of refried beans. dammit i should have been more cautious. thanks for all ur encouragement and support.
you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
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