I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
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Randomize
