she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
Randomize
