Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
Just looking for some anal play. An attempting to read atonement. The highbrow/lowbrow divide is striking.
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
Randomize
