I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
Randomize
