Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
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