dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
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