No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
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