ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
like why cant he just admit that he still wants to fuck me even though im underage
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
Randomize
