Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
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