Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
Randomize
