READY
for what?
TO HAVE SEXXXX
i think you have the wrong number
too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
Randomize
