you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
Randomize
