I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
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