ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
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