Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
Randomize
