I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
Randomize
