Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
Randomize
