Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
how's this sound. You, me a box of pink franzia and a night full of possibilities in your basemen. I'll be me. You be you. And we'll see where it goes
I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
I can't even teach it... It's just natural slutyness.. My mom has it too
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
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