Kenny Powers is just a normal guy with exceptional hair
My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
A+ Viking dick
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
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