I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Randomize
