U Should have said " it's ok baby most girls Sh*t when I do that.
I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Randomize
