3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
Randomize
