Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
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