it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
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