Dual, econ, hell, shiv, aunt, puppy. 1 out of 6. T9 word needs to learn how to cuss like me.
Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
Was just grinding with my bio TA. She asked why i wasnt studying
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
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