All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
Randomize
