I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
i jsut waqnnna hugg thw crap outa sokme peoplee
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
We need to get me chipped asap
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
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