I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
Justin has passed out on the toilet in a locked stall. Stay tuned for pics.
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