So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
Come back. Shots need mouths.
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
Randomize
