Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
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