In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
Randomize
