I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
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