Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
Randomize