all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
Randomize
