New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize
