I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
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I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
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Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
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