you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
Randomize
