fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
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