I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
Randomize
