I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
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