thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
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