happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
Just a warning... Flip, sip, or strip always ends in all participants being naked. Learning from experience.
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
Randomize
