You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
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Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
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I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
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