Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
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