He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
Gay?
German.
Pity.
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
Randomize
