Nope, Im Irish and pissed with some drunk mixed in...therefore punching things is the best solution to every problem.
im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
Randomize
