Lets evaluate? U kissed one boss and lef twith another man. I cock teased the other, hardcore had a tongue jammed down my throat, made out w aa third then left in a cab w alex w them all yelling at me and offering rides. My cheek was also licked and bitten by 2 other men and we almost made out (u and me) because they asked. were hired.
No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Randomize
