the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
Randomize
