i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
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