think what you will about my sexuality, just get the cigarettes
i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
Randomize
