ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
?
Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
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