I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
Randomize
