i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
I'm sorry for gagging during our first time having sex
I was drunk
Please answer
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
Randomize
