when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
Randomize
