What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
Come on in and take your pants off
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