youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
Randomize
