I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
Randomize
