ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
Liz is crying about burritos again.
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
Randomize
