If you think im a hippy you should see these girls. They would scissor mother nature if they had the chance.
I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
Randomize
