well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
Randomize
